How can we love and support others without judgment? Good question, right? I look at each and every one of us as human. All humans think, act, feel and respond in many different ways. No one is the same and each of us possesses unique gifts that set us apart from one another. 

However, sometimes those gifts and talents that make us who we are get scrutinized and judged by others. Doubt sets in and overrides passion𑁋our dreams and desires get squashed, causing people to avoid living authentically. That inner spark within us dims and we’re not really living our best life; we’re existing.

The pathway to learning to love and support without judgment starts within ourselves. Years ago, I was a nursing student sitting in the large lecture hall listening to my professor talk about the ethics of the profession. I found that lecture fascinating because we were discussing how to create a non-judgmental environment where people feel seen, valued and cared for. 

“You must take a good look at yourself and recognize any biases you may have,” the professor stated. “It all starts with you. What is your belief system?  How were you raised and how could those beliefs affect the nursing care you provide?”

That lecture was extremely valuable because it applied not only to nursing but to day-to-day life. Wouldn’t it be lovely if more people asked themselves these questions and practiced this philosophy? Maybe – just maybe – people would see one another as human𑁋beyond race, gender or religion. 

With acceptance, people may feel safe to live as who they are and learn to love themselves, opening up a path to personal freedom. 

About ten years ago, I decided to resign from my corporate job to devote more time to my family. It was a hard transition but the needs of my family always came first. Being a parent is a lifelong commitment. 

It was and still is the most important job I could ever have. It doesn’t bring in a steady income with health benefits which assists with financial planning. There are daily challenges, adjusting schedules, holding space for them whenever they need it and encouraging them to keep going even when they want to give up or being their voice. 

On a warm day in May 2015, I sat in the principal’s office at my daughter’s school. She was finishing Grade 8 and getting ready to start high school in the fall. The principal sat behind her large brown desk while the two teachers and myself sat across from her in these uncomfortable black chairs with faux-leather padding. We were having a discussion about my child’s next steps and pathway: the academic or college stream.

“If you want your daughter to be successful in high school, you’ll encourage her to take the college stream,” said the principal. 

The two teachers nodded in agreement. 

“She’s not organized enough to handle the expectations of the academic stream; she’ll fail,” she added.

As I sat there, I could feel my blood boil. My hands were tightly clasped together resting on my lap. I looked down at my hands, took a deep breath, raised my head, looked her in the eye, then spoke.

“How dare you put limitations on my daughter’s potential. You have no idea how brilliant she is; I see it. I will support her in any path she chooses.”

Not a word was spoken as I walked out.

Today, my daughter is entering her fourth year of university. She has chosen to write her thesis, maintains a high GPA and plays university rugby. 

You can also trade judgment for understanding. Understanding leads to compassion; compassion to empathy; empathy to support and support is a part of loving. 

Love and support are basic human needs. I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t want those things. 

By removing judgment and replacing it with love and support, people help others to reach their full potential, go after their dreams, live their best life and gain personal freedom. Doesn’t that sound fantastic?

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash